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August 2015 - Kiki Reflects

Kiki Reflects

one woman's struggle to answer her calling

Archive for August, 2015

The Moment I Found Out I Was Pregnant

Our Little Announcement

Our Little Announcement

I’m 15 weeks pregnant and my expected delivery date is 29 January 2016.  My husband and I are super excited!  I’ve been meaning to write a post announcing our pregnancy for a while now.  However, in my first trimester (from just shy of six weeks onward), I felt pretty miserable most of the time.  Nausea.  Acid Reflux.  Fatigue.  Ugh.  Even the sight of food made me feel sick.

Now those symptoms appear to be waning.  My food aversions aren’t quite as strong too.

Believe it or not, back in the spring, I actually felt myself getting pregnant.  Shortly after ovulating, I got a mild cramping I had never felt before.  My breasts also became tender, and the tenderness never went away.  I was a bit moody too.  Plus, my instincts were telling me I was pregnant.  I had this strange, subtle feeling I was.

Then, one Monday after I took my Navy physical training test at work, I took one of those early detection pregnancy tests that’s supposed to tell if you’re pregnant several days before your period.  It read, in evil, mocking letters, “Not Pregnant.”

I was crushed.

I thought for sure I was pregnant.  Not only was I unhappy I wasn’t pregnant, I was upset that my instincts were wrong.  When preparing dinner, I opened the fridge and saw the high end bottle of red wine (yes, we keep red wine in the fridge) my friend had given us as a wedding gift.  “Well,” I said to myself, “since I’m not pregnant, I might as well enjoy this wine.”  I poured myself and my husband, Brett, a glass.  It was exquisite.  The best glass of wine I had ever had.  Between the two of us, we finished the bottle over two nights.  We savored each sip.

The following weekend was Memorial Day.  Brett and I drove down to North Carolina to spend  the weekend with my stepson and in-laws at the beach.  Brett and I stayed in Brett’s Aunt’s trailer not far from the water.  I carried feminine products with me because I was expecting to get my period while on that trip.

My period never came.

So, on 24 May, Brett and I stopped at CVS and bought (another) pregnancy test.  I had mixed emotions about it.  My breast tenderness and moodiness hadn’t gone away.  But that negative test still lingered in the back of my mind.  We brought the test to the trailer and I took it.  First off, it took the longest to process of any pregnancy test I had taken before.  From the angle I was at, it looked like it was flashing between “Pregnant” and “Not Pregnant.”  “How could it torture me like this?!  Just put me out of my misery!”  I angrily thought to myself.

Then, the test settled on “Pregnant,” but it still had an hourglass next to it.  “What the heck?!  Does that mean it’s still thinking?”  The seconds/minutes I waited seemed to stretch on forever.  Finally, the hourglass disappeared, and in it’s place was a weeks estimator.  It read “1-2.”

As in, I was 1-2 weeks pregnant!!  It turns out the earlier test was a false negative!

“Brett!”  I shouted, holding the pregnancy test, as though it were some sort of magic wand.  “Brett!  Brett!”  It took me a few moments to figure out he was outside the trailer.  I tried opening the trailer door, but somehow, I couldn’t unlock it.  It was as though my brain had stopped working.  I kept trying to open the door when Brett walked in through the other door, a sliding glass door.

I walked over to him, my eyes full of hope and joy.  “I’m pregnant!”  I said, holding up the test as proof I wasn’t making it up.

Brett smiled in that understated way of his (a nice contrast to my usual melodrama), hugged me close, and said “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I told him.  A few minutes afterwards, Brett was so excited and loved how happy I was that he started filming me on his cell phone.  I think he wanted to capture the moment forever.  You can watch it here .

Later, I wrote in my journal:

I can’t believe it.  It’s like I’m in the middle of a great dream and don’t want to wake up.  I’m so happy.  I’ve been wanting to be a mother for a very long time.  To find myself here, married to an incredible guy, and expecting  a baby… I am beside myself with joy.  Sheer joy.